(1 of 4) Great listening: Actors learn it and so can you

Listening could literally save the world.

When I was in elementary school, teachers commented on my report card that I was a good listener. Was I really? I think they meant that I didn’t talk much. I was so busy zoning out and daydreaming it probably only looked like I was paying attention. It wasn’t until recent years that I learned what listening is really about.

The world would be a better place if everybody stepped up their listening skills. There would be less violence, less emotional trauma, and fewer wars. It sounds like hyperbole, but it isn’t. 

I don’t expect it to happen any time soon, though. For one thing, many people don’t realize the value of listening. Second, listening with full attention can be genuinely difficult. During a conversation, most people’s brains naturally focus on what they want to say, not on what the other person is saying. And unfortunately, many people assume they’re already great listeners when in fact there is a ton of room to improve. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “There is a difference between truly listening and waiting for your turn to talk.”

But why wait for everyone else? Work on your own listening skills. I guarantee everything will be better for you. Your relationships at work and home will grow deeper. You’ll be more effective at your job. People will like you more. And as strange as it sounds, people will listen to you more when you yourself are a better listener.

While listening skills may be unnatural for many people, they’re totally learnable. Legendary acting teacher Sanford Meisner designed a now famous (among actors) exercise called the “repetition exercise.” Here’s a clip of it. 

Notice that the actors mostly repeat the other actor’s words. Meisner designed the exercise to relieve actors of having to learn lines so they can devote their full attention to the other actor. He wanted his students to listen to their scene partners more because when actors simply blurt out their lines as they rehearsed, it usually looks terrible on stage or screen. 

Simply saying the lines without regard to who you’re talking to looks bad because the script is only the blueprint. The actor’s job is to add to the script by choosing one of an infinite number of ways to say each line. If they do not respond to what their scene partner expresses verbally and physically, then it’s bound to look unreal. 

You may not be performing on stage or the big screen, but if you’re in a two-person conversation I’m betting that you would like it if that conversation built rapport, advanced the relationship, and/or was productive. A bonus would be if the other person felt seen or heard. If you don’t listen to them, none of those will happen.

Next time you’re getting frustrated with a customer, coworker, or manager who isn’t listening to you, think also about how well you’re listening to them. 

TL;DR

Listening well can be hard, but the benefits are staggering.

Listening training exists. Actors learn it and so can you.

Action

Think of one thing you can do to be a better listener.

Question

Do you recall a conversation when you knew the other person didn’t listen well? Drop it in the comments!